Switching Black Friday

Me: "There is a rumor going around that they are moving Black Friday to the Friday after Halloween." 

M. S.: "That's stupid, why would they do that?" 

Me: "I don't know but in better news Viagra's up 6%."

- Fudggies

Teething Rings are Not Just for Babies

M. S., C. K., M. S.'s mom and I went out to dinner to McDonald's tonight.  M. S. started whining about his upcoming teeth surgery and his mom was giving him reminders on what cold foods he should eat.  Then I took out my phone and texted him.  I told him to check his phone.  He took out his phone and gave me an annoyed look. 
Then I said: "Aren't you going read what I texted you?"
M. S. gave me another dirty look and then exclaimed: "She told me a should get a teething ring!"
M. S. mom then asked: "Why would he need a teething ring?"
Me: "Cause you freeze and it would feel good on your gums."
M. S. mom gave me a look of surprise and said: "Huh... Didn't think about that," she looked over at M. S. "maybe you should get one."
M. S. then looked over at me and exclaimed: "I hate you."

- Fudggies

"C" Tools in Scattergories are Not Always What You Think

I was playing Scattergories with some from friends and the letter we had to use was "C".  I was partnered up with W. E. and we were down to the very last subject: Tools.  He wrote down on: Chainsaw.  I knew that there is more than one kind of tool, so I wrote down: Condom.  He gave me a dirty look and made me cross it off cause he didn't think it was appropriate. 
The timer went off and everyone read a loud what they had and then it came to our turn.  W. E. read off what we had but did not read off what I wrote for tools.  I got annoyed and I said what I wrote for as a tool and everyone laughed. 
Then L. D. exclaimed:  "She is right.  There is more than one kinda tool cause you can say so and so is a tool."
T. D. then said: "You can not promote condoms in a Catholic School (referring to Health Class earlier that day)!"
If she did not anything, I would've gotten the point for the word. 
- Fudggies

Throwing Midgets is Illegal

W. E., B. M. and I were talking one afternoon when W. E. says:  "Did you know midgets is illegal in ___ states (can not remember the exact number)?"
B. M.: "Oh really which states?"
W. E. starts naming off states.
B. M.: "Ha! You did not mention Vermont!"
W. E.: "F*#%!" - Fudggies

Flying Midget

This happened a few weeks ago. 


I poked B. M.  He poked me back and moved backed quickly when I reached to poke him back. 
Me: "No fair."  He gives me an evil grin and laughs.  Mean while my friend W. E.  is playing on his laptop not paying attention to us.  Me:  "I can not reach you so I guess I will have to throw W. E."
W. E.: "YOU CAN NOT THROW THE MIDGET!!!"  - Fudggies

Of Spoons and Tea

C. K. and I just made tea.  C. K. : "This spoon is reusable."  I give her a weird look.   C. K. "You know why?"
Me: "Why?"  C. K.: "I used the other end."  - Fudggies

The Noise from My Parent's Room

The Noise from My Parent’s Room

The sound of a bear growling

Grrr….

Whistling of the wind

Over and over again

I’m starting to get nervous

I grab for a bat and a flashlight

I creep down the hallway

The noise is coming from my parent’s room

I slowly open the door

Creaking very softly

Just to find my dad fast asleep

And snoring very loudly

I crawl back to my bed and get a good night’s sleep 

- Fudggies